Slipped Disk

Slipped Disk Overview


The disks are protective shock-absorbing pads between the bones of the spine. Although they do not actually "slip," a disk may split or rupture. This can cause the disk to fail, allowing the gel (which is part of the disk) to escape into the surrounding tissue. The leaking jellylike substance can place pressure on the spinal cord or on a single nerve fiber and cause symptoms of pain either around the damaged disk or anywhere along the area controlled by that nerve.

The layman's term "slipped disk" is, therefore, a misnomer and actually refers to a condition whereby portions of an abnormal, injured, or degenerated disk have protruded against nerve tissues. This condition is also known as a herniated, ruptured, prolapsed, or more commonly, slipped disk. The most frequently affected area is in the low back, but actually any disk can rupture, including those in the neck.

Slipped Disk Causes

Factors that lead to a slipped disk include aging with associated degeneration and loss of elasticity of the disks and supporting structures; injury from improper lifting, especially if accompanied by twisting or turning; and excessive strain forces associated with physical activities. Sudden forceful acute trauma is an uncommon cause of a slipped disk.


Source:  

Eczema

Ceritanyer bermula since last friday.... mama nampak rashes kat leher kakak....merah2 gitu..ader ler beberapa bijik...so, mama just sapukan cream for rashes yg mmg tersedia ada kat rumah.. nampak ok.. merah-merah & biji-biji tu kering... tp still naik a few biji-biji yang baru.... mama still continues sapu cream.... so, biji-biji tu kering & hilang.. but still ada biji-biji baru.... Sunday tu, mama nampak leher yang sebelah kanan pun ada merah-merah & biji-biji tu... still duk sapu cream for rashes.... hilang but same story... still ade a few biji-biji baru setiap hari....

Balik kerja semlm... mama tengok kat leher bawah dagu tu ader a few lagi biji-biji merah.... so, terus decided.... bawak kakak ke klinik.....

Bile doctor tgk merah-merah tu...doctor ckp.... "this is eczema"... so, doctor tanye if ada salasilah asthma dlm family...so far.. rase mcm takde... kakak pun takder allergic dgn apa-apa sblm ni.. kirenye this is the 1st time ada merah-merah & biji-biji mcm ni..so, doctor bagi explaination psl eczema.... doctor bagi cream sapu, syrup tahan gatal & bengkak... then doctor suruh tunggu 3 hari... kalau still naik biji-biji yg baru, doctor suruh dtg blk for further check up.... Skrg ni, mama kena alert...apa yg tak sesuai dgn kulit kakak..may be makanan, persekitaran or brgan yg di pakai... emmmm.. tp rasenyer... takde apa yg berubah pun.. mama tak ada tukar bedak/sabun baru utk kakak... eemm..perlu di fikir-fikirkan nieee....

INFO PSL ECZEMA
What is eczema?
Eczema is a general term for many types of skin inflammation, also known as dermatitis. The most common form of eczema is atopic dermatitis (some people use these two terms interchangeably). However, there are many different forms of eczema.
Eczema can affect people of any age, although the condition is most common in infants, and about 85% of people have an onset prior to 5 years of age. Eczema will permanently resolve by age 3 in about half of affected infants. In others, the condition tends to recur throughout life. People with eczema often have a family history of the condition or a family history of other allergic conditions, such as asthma or hay fever. Up to 20% of children and 1%-2% of adults are believed to have eczema. Eczema is slightly more common in girls than in boys. It occurs in people of all races.


Eczema is not contagious, but since it is believed to be at least partially inherited, it is not uncommon to find members of the same family affected.

What are the causes of eczema?
Doctors do not know the exact cause of eczema, but a defect of the skin that impairs its function as a barrier, possibly combined with an abnormal function of the immune system, are believed to be an important factors. Studies have shown that in people with atopic dermatitis, there are gene defects that lead to abnormalities in certain proteins (such as filaggrin) that are important in maintaining the barrier of normal skin.


Some forms of eczema can be triggered by substances that come in contact with the skin, such as soaps, cosmetics, clothing, detergents, jewelry, or sweat. Environmental allergens (substances that cause allergic reactions) may also cause outbreaks of eczema. Changes in temperature or humidity, or even psychological stress, can lead to outbreaks of eczema in some people.

What are the symptoms of eczema?
Eczema most commonly causes dry, reddened skin that itches or burns, although the appearance of eczema varies from person to person and varies according to the specific type of eczema. Intense itching is generally the first symptom in most people with eczema. Sometimes, eczema may lead to blisters and oozing lesions, but eczema can also result in dry and scaly skin. Repeated scratching may lead to thickened, crusty skin.
While any region of the body may be affected by eczema, in children and adults, eczema typically occurs on the face, neck, and the insides of the elbows, knees, and ankles. In infants, eczema typically occurs on the forehead, cheeks, forearms, legs, scalp, and neck.
Eczema can sometimes occur as a brief reaction that only leads to symptoms for a few hours or days, but in other cases, the symptoms persist over a longer time and are referred to as chronic dermatitis.

What are the different types of eczema?Atopic dermatitis is the most common of the many types of eczema, and sometimes people use the two terms interchangeably. But there are many terms used to describe specific forms of eczema that may have very similar symptoms to atopic dermatitis. These are listed and briefly described below.


Atopic dermatitis
Atopic dermatitis is a chronic skin disease characterized by itchy, inflamed skin and is the most common cause of eczema. The condition tends to come and go, depending upon exposures to triggers or causative factors. Factors that may cause atopic dermatitis (allergens) include environmental factors like molds, pollen, or pollutants; contact irritants like soaps, detergents, nickel (in jewelry), or perfumes; food allergies; or other allergies. Around two-thirds of those who develop the condition do so prior to 1 year of age. When the disease starts in infancy, it is sometimes termed infantile eczema. Atopic dermatitis tends to run in families, and people who develop the condition often have a family history of other allergic conditions such as asthma or hay fever.


Contact eczemaContact eczema (contact dermatitis) is a localized reaction that includes redness, itching, and burning in areas where the skin has come into contact with an allergen (an allergy-causing substance to which an individual is sensitized) or with a general irritant such as an acid, a cleaning agent, or other chemical. Other examples of contact eczema include reactions to laundry detergents, soaps, nickel (present in jewelry), cosmetics, fabrics, clothing, and perfume. Due to the vast number of substances with which individuals have contact, it can be difficult to determine the trigger for contact dermatitis. The condition is sometimes referred to as allergic contact eczema (allergic contact dermatitis) if the trigger is an allergen and irritant contact eczema (irritant contact dermatitis) if the trigger is an irritant. Skin reactions to poison ivy and poison sumac are examples of allergic contact eczema. People who have a history of allergies have an increased risk for developing contact eczema.


Seborrheic eczemaSeborrheic eczema (seborrheic dermatitis) is a form of skin inflammation of unknown cause. The signs and symptoms of seborrheic eczema include yellowish, oily, scaly patches of skin on the scalp, face, and occasionally other parts of the body. Dandruff and "cradle cap" in infants are examples of seborrheic eczema. It is commonplace for seborrheic dermatitis to inflame the face at the creases of the cheeks and/or the nasal folds. Seborrheic dermatitis is not necessarily associated with itching. This condition tends to run in families. Emotional stress, oily skin, infrequent shampooing, and weather conditions may all increase a person's risk of developing seborrheic eczema. One type of seborrheic eczema is also common in people with AIDS.


Nummular eczema
Nummular eczema (nummular dermatitis) is characterized by coin-shaped patches of irritated skin -- most commonly located on the arms, back, buttocks, and lower legs -- that may be crusted, scaling, and extremely itchy. This form of eczema is relatively uncommon and occurs most frequently in elderly men. Nummular eczema is usually a chronic condition. A personal or family history of atopic dermatitis, asthma, or allergies increases the risk of developing the condition.


Neurodermatitis
Neurodermatitis, also known as lichen simplex chronicus, is a chronic skin inflammation caused by a scratch-itch cycle that begins with a localized itch (such as an insect bite) that becomes intensely irritated when scratched. Women are more commonly affected by neurodermatitis than men, and the condition is most frequent in people 20-50 years of age. This form of eczema results in scaly patches of skin on the head, lower legs, wrists, or forearms. Over time, the skin can become thickened and leathery. Stress can exacerbate the symptoms of neurodermatitis.


Stasis dermatitis
Stasis dermatitis is a skin irritation on the lower legs, generally related to the circulatory problem known as venous insufficiency, in which the function of the valves within the veins has been compromised. Stasis dermatitis occurs almost exclusively in middle-aged and elderly people, with approximately 6%-7% of the population over 50 years of age being affected by the condition. The risk of developing stasis dermatitis increases with advancing age. Symptoms include itching and/or reddish-brown discoloration of the skin on one or both legs. Progression of the condition can lead to the blistering, oozing skin lesions seen with other forms of eczema, and ulcers may develop in affected areas. The chronic circulatory problems lead to an increase in fluid buildup (edema) in the legs. Stasis dermatitis has also been referred to as varicose eczema.


Dyshidrotic eczema
Dyshidrotic eczema (dyshidrotic dermatitis) is an irritation of the skin on the palms of hands and soles of the feet characterized by clear, deep blisters that itch and burn. The cause of dyshidrotic eczema is unknown. Dyshidrotic eczema is also known as vesicular palmoplantar dermatitis, dyshidrosis, or pompholyx. This form of eczema occurs in up to 20% of people with hand eczema and is more common during the spring and summer months and in warmer climates. Males and females are equally affected, and the condition can occur in people of any age.

How is eczema diagnosed?To diagnose eczema, doctors rely on a thorough physical examination of the skin as well as the patient's account of the history of the condition. In particular, the doctor will ask when the condition appeared, if the condition is associated with any changes in environment or contact with certain materials, and whether it is aggravated in any specific situations. Eczema may have a similar appearance to other diseases of the skin, including infections or reactions to certain medications, so the diagnosis is not always simple. In some cases, a biopsy of the skin may be taken in order to rule out other skin diseases that may be producing signs and symptoms similar to eczema.
If a doctor suspects that a patient has allergic contact dermatitis, allergy tests, possibly including a skin "patch test," may be carried out in an attempt to identify the specific trigger of the condition.
There are no laboratory or blood tests that can be used to establish the diagnosis of eczema.

What is the treatment for eczema?The goals for the treatment of eczema are to prevent itching, inflammation, and worsening of the condition. Treatment of eczema may involve both lifestyle changes and the use of medications. Treatment is always based upon an individual's age, overall health status, and the type and severity of the condition.
Keeping the skin well hydrated through the application of creams or ointments (with a low water and high oil content) as well as avoiding over-bathing (see "Can eczema be prevented?" section) is an important step in treatment. Lifestyle modifications to avoid triggers for the condition are also recommended.
Corticosteroid creams are sometimes prescribed to decrease the inflammatory reaction in the skin. These may be mild-, medium-, or high-potency corticosteroid creams depending upon the severity of the symptoms. If itching is severe, oral antihistamines may be prescribed. To control itching, the sedative type antihistamine drugs (for example, diphenhydramine [Benadryl], hydroxyzine [Atarax, Vistaril], and cyproheptadine) appear to be most effective.
In some cases, a short course of oral corticosteroids (such as prednisone) is prescribed to control an acute outbreak of eczema, although their long-term use is discouraged in the treatment of this non life-threatening condition because of unpleasant and potentially harmful side effects. The oral immunosuppressant drug cyclosporine has also been used to treat some cases of eczema. Ultraviolet light therapy (phototherapy) is another treatment option for some people with eczema.
Finally, two topical (cream) medications have been approved by the U.S. FDA for the treatment of eczema: tacrolimus (Protopic) and pimecrolimus (Elidel). These drugs belong to a class of immune suppressant drugs known as calcineurin inhibitors. In 2005, the FDA issued a warning about the use of these drugs, citing studies in animals that showed a possible association between use of these drugs and the development of certain types of cancer. It is recommended that these drugs only be used as second-line therapy for cases that are unresponsive to other forms of treatment, and that their use be limited to short time periods, and the minimum time periods needed to control symptoms. Use of these drugs should also be limited in people who have compromised immune systems.


Can eczema be prevented?
While there is no cure for eczema, you can take steps to manage your symptoms and lessen the severity of outbreaks. Such measures include


 avoidance of over-bathing;

 applying moisturizer frequently, especially after bathing;

 bathing in warm, not hot, water and using a mild soap;

 limiting or avoiding contact with known irritants like soaps, perfumes, detergents, jewelry, environmental irritants, etc.;

 wearing loose-fitting clothing (cotton clothing may be less irritating for many people than wool or synthetic fibers);

 the use of cool compresses to help control itching;

 exercise, meditation, or other stress management techniques can help those for whom stress is a trigger;

 wearing protective gloves for activities that require frequent submersion of the hands in water;

 avoiding activities that make you hot and sweaty as well as abrupt changes in temperature and humidity;

 practicing good skin hygiene even when you are not having symptoms.
Eczema At A Glance


 Eczema is a general term for many types of skin inflammation, also known as dermatitis. The term eczema is sometimes used interchangeably with atopic dermatitis, the most common form of eczema.


 Eczema is believed to result from a genetic defect that results in an abnormality of the skin's barrier function.


 Eczema is most common in infants and young children. All races can be affected.


 Triggers of eczema outbreaks can be environmental irritants or allergens; substances like soaps, perfumes, or chemicals; food allergies; lifestyle stress; or changes in temperature or humidity.


 Treatment can include oral or topical corticosteroids, antihistamines, or immune-suppressing drugs known as calcineurin inhibitors.


 While eczema is not preventable, self-care measures such as frequent hydration of skin and avoidance of extreme temperatures and known irritants can help manage symptoms and reduce the severity of outbreaks.

Menulis

Mengajar anak menulis merupakan amanah.

Rasulullah SAW bersabda:“ Hak anak atas ibu bapanya adalahlah diajarinya menulis, berenang dan memanah serta diberikan makanan yang halal.”(Hadith Riwayat At- Tarmizi)

Menulis dibahagikan kepada tiga peringkat utama iaitu pratulis, awal tulis dan tulis.

Peringkat pratulis bermula apabila kanak-kanak sudah boleh membuat garisan dengan pensil dan menconteng. Berilah latihan yang banyak menggunakan pergerakan halus jari mereka dengan aktiviti-aktiviti mengoyak , meramas, menggentel, melipat menguntai ,memusing, memutar, memulas, melipat, mencantum dan melarik di atas pasir atau udara. Kanak-kanak di sekitar umur satu dan dua tahun yang didedahkan kepada aktiviti begini lebih cepat menguatkan koordinasi tangan dan mata mereka untuk persediaan menulis.

Peringkat awal tulis biasanya bermula di sekitar umur tiga tahun apabila kanak-kanak sudah boleh melukis imej yang boleh dikenali, menulis dengan sokongan dan menulis mengikut garis putus. Di sekitar umur empat tahun kanak-kanak biasanya sudah boleh menulis tanpa sokongan. Pada peringkat ini ibu bapa mestilah lebih kreatif dan menjadikan aktiviti menulis sesuatu yang menarik dan dapat diaplikasikan dalam kehidupan seharian.

Menyediakan pelbagai jenis kertas, peralatan menulis dan mewarna dapat memupuk minat anak untuk menulis dalam semua peringkat. Mereka juga suka menulis menggunakan komputer jika diberi peluang.Pada peringkat awal, janganlah terlampau memberi perhatian kepada cara anak menulis dan ejaan yang salah. Berilah kata-kata galakan dan pujian sebelum menegur kesilapan anak. Kanak-kanak banyak belajar melalui kesilapan dan jadikanlah aktiviti menulis sesuatu yang menggembirakan buat seisi keluarga.

Pujian Sebagai alat membina keyakinan diri

Pujian merupakan salah satu cara yang terbaik untuk berkomunikasi dengan kanak-kanak. Penggunaan patah perkataan yang sesuai boleh mengubah secara total pola pemikiran kanak-kanak tersebut, emosi dan kelakuannya.

Ibubapa dan guru biasanya memberikan fokus kepada kesalahan yang dilakukan oleh anak atau murid mereka. Ibubapa dan guru yang hebat akan memberikan fokus apakah perkara yang baik, bagus dan bermanfaat yang telah dilakukan oleh anak atau murid mereka. Kemudian mereka memberikan respon yang positif kepada anak atau murid mereka dan menjadikan anak dan murid mereka merasa hebat. Mereka memperkasakan kelakuan positif anak atau murid mereka itu melalui kata-kata pujian dan rangsangan.

Ibubapa dan guru yang hebat percaya langkah pertama ialah dengan memberikan fokus kepada kepada kekuatan dan pencapaian terlebih dahulu. Kemudian barulah diperbetulkan segala tingkah-laku yang tidak betul dan negatif itu.

Apabila kanak-kanak merasa dirinya disayangi dan berkebolehan, mereka akan lebih bersedia untuk mendengar saranan dan nasihat, serta mampu mengubah kelakuan negatif mereka itu.

Dua perkara yang perlu kita ingat sebelum memuji ialah ;

*Ikhlas bila melontarkan pujian. Jangan memuji sesuatu perkara jika ia memang tidak dilaksanakan dengan sempurna. Kita kena ingat bahawa anak-anak atau murid kita tidak bodoh. Jika kita memuji mereka hanya sekadar untuk mengambil hati, maka mereka akan merasa seperti kita menipu mereka sahaja.

*Pujian tersebut khusus kepada USAHA atau HASIL yang dilakukan dan bukannya ke atas individu tersebut itu sendiri. Kajian menunjukan, apabila ibubapa atau guru memberikan pujian kepada tubuh badan anak atau murid, mereka akan meragui pujian tersebut.

Sebagai contoh ; “Kamu memang bijak”, atau “kamu seorang yang kreatif”.

Sebaliknya, pujilah usaha yang telah dilakukan atau hasil daripada usaha itu tadi.

Sebagai contoh ;
“Terima kasih kerana membantu ibu membuang sampah di dapur.”
“Kerana kamu selalu mencuci bilik air inilah, adik kamu tidak tergelincir di dalamnya, tahniah!”

Source : Seronokbelajar.com

Membentuk Kemahiran Membaca Kanak-kanak

Minat membaca kanak-kanak ada kaitan rapat dengan keupayaan mereka berbahasa. Secara umumnya, kanak-kanak boleh membaca dengan lancar akan suka pada buku seterusnya menjadikan aktiviti membaca sebagai satu hobi yang menarik.

Kanak-kanak patut diajar membaca ketika kecil lagi.
Ketika berusia 18 bulan, kanak-kanak sudah boleh diperkenalkan kemahiran membaca secara beransur-ansur. Unsur utama yang perlu diberi penekanan ialah kesedaran umum mengenai bunyi-bunyi perkataan dan penggunaannya dalam situasi seharian. Contohnya perkataan “mama” dan “papa.” Kedua-dua perkataan ini boleh ditulis dan diperkenalkan kepada kanak-kanak kerana kekerapan penggunaannya.

Apabila kanak-kanak meningkat usia 3 hingga 4 tahun, mereka sebenarnya berada dalam peringkat pembinaan bahasa yang pesat. Menurut para pengkaji perkembangan kanak-kanak, perkembangan menyeluruh kanak-kanak ialah galakan untuk perkembangan fizikal, mental, emosi, sosial dan bahasa.

Period yang paling kritikal untuk memperkenalkan kemahiran membaca kepada kanak-kanak ialah 0 hingga 3 tahun. Ibu bapa atau guru yang bijak akan sensitif dengan perkembangan kanak-kanak pada masa ini kerana :

Umur 1 ½ hingga 3 tahun adalah peringkat yang paling sesuai untuk belajar dan mengingat maklumat. Kanak-kanak yang diberi kemahiran membaca pada peringkat usia ini akan menyerap jauh lebih banyak pengetahuan berbanding kanak-kanak yang tidak tahu membaca.
Semasa membaca, selalunya kita akan mengingat perkataan yang disebut serentak dengan perkataan yang bertulis. Begitulah juga kanak-kanak. Jika berusia 3 tahun dapat membaca, tentulah kemahiran membaca akan mempercepatkan proses pemahaman bahan bacaan yang dibacanya.

Kanak-kanak sangat lasak ketika berumur 2 hingga 3 tahun kerana mereka sangat dahagakan pengetahuan. Ibu bapa atau guru dapat mengesan perubahan ini dengan mengamati pertanyaan kanak-kanak seperti, “Ni apa?” atau “Apa tu?” Ujian menunjukkan kanak-kanak sejak dari umur 2 hingga 12 tahun bertanya sehingga 80 peratus daripada percakapan mereka. Apabila ke sekolah menengah, pertanyaan telah berkurangan sehingga 40 peratus.

Kanak-kanak belajar membaca ketika masih kecil biasanya lebih cepat bertindak dan lebih faham membaca berbanding kanak-kanak yang belajar membaca semasa di sekolah. Sebabnya ialah kanak-kanak belajar membaca dengan senang hati dan memahaminya seperti mendengar orang bercakap manakala kanak-kanak di sekolah belajar membaca dengan perasaan takut dan membaca diajar sebagai mata pelajaran yang berasingan.

Bagaimana kanak-kanak belajar membaca ?Pelbagai kaedah yang digunakan oleh kanak-kanak untuk mempelajari bahasa mengikut peringkat umur.

0 hingga 2 ½ tahun
* mula mengetahui dan memahami bahasa yang dipertuturkan oleh ibu bapa ketika berusia 18 bulan.
* belajar bahasa dengan mengumpul perkataan.
* kaedah belajar ialah melalui rangsangan deria pendengaran secara langsung & tidak langsung.
* rangsangan membaca ialah memperkenalkan buku-buku yang mengandungi banyak gambar dan berwarna- warni.
* kosa kata berkembang sehingga 270.

2 ½ hingga 4 ½ tahun
* peringkat kritikal dalam proses belajar bahasa.
* terbentuk satu unit bahasa dalam otak secara berasingan.
* perkembangan bahasa akan membantu perkembangan mental dan sosial.
* kanak-kanak belajar membaca dengan memperkenalkan huruf bersama gambar.Pada peringkat ini, kesediaan membaca masih belum terbentuk sepenuhnya dan ibu bapa harus bersabar semasa membimbing anak-anak mereka.
* mampu mengingat sehingga 1500 kota kata.

4 ½ hingga 7 tahun
* perkembangan otak memasuki fasa terakhir.
* kanak-kanak sudah menunjukkan minat dan kesediaan membaca dengan mengenali banyak
perkataan dan suka bertanya serta melihat gambar.
* corak pengajaran ialah mendedahkan kepada persekitaran seperti membezakan bunyi-bunyi binatang atau kenderaan; cara ini dapat melatih kanak-kanak meningkatkan daya pendengaran mereka.
* mampu mengingat sehingga melebihi 4500 kosa kata.

Walau bagaimanapun sesetengah kanak-kanak masih belum dapat membaca biarpun umur semakin meningkat. Keadaan ini mungkin disebabkan mereka tidak memahami tahap-tahap pengajaran bahasa yang betul

Source: HALUAN

10 communication mistakes parents make

The way we communicate with our children today is a lot different from how our parents communicated with us. What used to be more of a one-way street is now very much two-way.

Jamilah Samian, a certified professional trainer and author of Cool Mum Super Dad and Cool Boys Super Sons, believes that in order to engage the children of today we need to give them feedback while not stifling them.

“In my time, kids looked at adults as figures of authority and knew that they had to listen to him or her without much questioning. That is not really the mindset of kids these days and it's a good thing, too.

“We want them to be able to think for themselves one day. We're not going to be there all the time for them and we can't do their thinking for them. So, if we were to think long-term, we have to train them to be able to think for themselves.

“If you keep telling them don't do this and don't do that, then how are they going to think for themselves? They need to be given enough space to define a lot of things but if there are certain things that you feel strongly about, then you need to explain to them why rather than saying 'This is the way it's always been done and you should do it this way'. They will really appreciate it if they know why,” she says.

Why you want effective communication

Outlining why we want effective communication with our children, Jamilah says, like it or not, we want to become their reference point, especially in their growing-up years.

“There are so many negative influences outside. When it comes to their decision-making moments, I'm sure all of us, no matter how open-minded we are, want them to make the 'right' decision.

“But we cannot become their reference point if we do not have effective communication with them.”

Another reason for wanting good communication is to impart our values to them. Here, values is not just about Asian or religious values. There are also values like being optimistic, personal responsibility, personal accountability, being non-discriminatory ….

The third reason is to have an enduring and endearing relationship with our children. We want a warm relationship with our children and we can only have such a relationship if we have good communication with them.

Prerequisites

So what are the prerequisites to good communication?

- Believe. If we believe that we can have good and effective communication with our children, then we can have it.

- Attitude. If we want to enjoy good communication with our children, we need to have a positive attitude.

- Skills. It's not enough that we want a good relationship and good communication with our children. If we don't have the right skills we will be repeating communication mistakes over and over again.

- Knowledge. We have to understand ourselves, how we've been raised and we have to understand our children. Much of how we communicate depends on how we have been raised and the environment that shapes us. We need to understand who we are and why we are the person we are.

10 mistakes

With that in mind, Jamilah outlines and explains 10 common communication mistakes that parents make:

1) Having low expectations.If we have low expectations about the kind of communication we have with our children then we are not going to push ourselves to make it better.

2) Not being able to move forward.This is related to the low expectations. For example, if there are some issues with our children and we keep bringing up events in the past, we are not able to transcend beyond what has happened in the past, then we are going to get stuck.The best thing is to just tell yourself, “Today is a new day”. We just have to leave the past in the past. We need to give communication with our children a good chance every day.We need to keep in mind that change begins with the smallest of things and when we say things could be better, it's not going to be better overnight. If communication has broken down for many years, then we cannot expect it to be better overnight.

3) Jumping to conclusions.We should allow our children to explain the situation instead of making assumptions and jumping to conclusions.

4) Be specific.If we are not happy about something, we need to be specific about what it is we are unhappy about rather than generalising and accusing them by saying 'You always do this' or 'You never do that'. Not being specific and using ambiguous words will lead to miscommunication and jumping to conclusions.

5) Not being sensitive to our children's emotions.When we are tired, angry or stressed, we tend not to be effective communicators. That's not a good time to communicate and there is a risk of being insensitive to their emotions. So, if you are tired or stressed, then wait until you feel better before communicating with your child. If it's not urgent, ask your child if you can talk about it later. If it's urgent, then you'll just have to do it then and there, of course.

6) Information overload.We tend to communicate a lot of things to our children in one breath. Sometimes, we may not be happy about certain things that our children do and for some reason we don't communicate specifically what we are unhappy with. So it just piles up and piles up until one day we are so angry that it's like a dam breaking and everything goes out and we have forgotten what the specifics are. We don't even remember what we are angry with, and that's when we make generalisations and accusations. That is always something that we need to avoid.Be specific. Don't say, 'You are lazy, you NEVER …'.Words like 'never' – we really have to be careful of that.You really need to be as specific as possible – what do you want them to do.

7) Not taking the chance to listen.They need a chance to show us what they are capable of. And as much as we love them and are concerned that they might make mistakes, mistakes are the things that make people a lot wiser. So, we need to keep our concerns, worries and anxieties in check. Sometimes we just need to let them go, listen to them and allow them to make their own mistakes.

8) Not being able to rephrase.Rephrasing is a very effective way to communicate. Effective communication takes place when the intended message gets to the receiver. But how do we make sure that this happens, because sometimes when somebody says something we might hear it another way. If you're not sure, say something to the effect, 'Do you mean to say that …' just to make sure you are on the same page. Being able to rephrase is important, regardless of how old the child is and especially with teenagers.

9) It's not just about listening; it's also about making a connection.If we don't make the time to connect with our child, it's just a matter of time before there will be distancing between us and our child and then we cannot build trust and respect. Without trust we cannot impart the values we really want to impart to our children.

10) If there is more than one child, we need to spend time communicating with them individually.When we have more than one, the elder ones are often given less attention. The child's age doesn't matter. Younger and older children need attention. Spend time individually with each child. Perhaps take each one out alone – time alone with mum or dad. Rotate them on a regular basis, perhaps monthly.Taking time to do this solves a lot of problems, even issues like sibling rivalry that crop up in many families. When we make them feel like they're somebody and not like the rest of the siblings, somehow these issues disappear. If we want them to open up more to us we need to listen more rather than talk more.Explain to themJamilah advises parents to explain the situation to the children if there are financial problems or if the marriage is going through a rough patch and the child is old enough to understand.

Source : parenthots.com